When we are used to miracles, we never see it as something special anymore. Just like we were told that we’re special, then every child who is told the same is also special. Then what’s so special about being special? Maybe that’s the point. We stop appreciating the miracles in ourselves. We chase other things, thinking that would satisfy us and make us happy—while our inner self tells us otherwise.
Tinnitus are different for everyone. Therefore, different people cope differently.
Most days, I spend my waking hours doing things while noticing my ringing head. I notice it stubbornly rings over any sound that comes into my head. I speak to others, their voices are overlaid by rings. I play music, and my hearing only catches particular sounds so it doesn’t sound whole to my head—and my brain makes up those rings to fill the void. I read somewhere that tinnitus is not a hearing issue, but more about brain nerve issue. Our brain has a default task of surviving, so it’s only natural for it to signal us if anything is wrong. Ironically, its attempt to save us from any trouble has made itself a threat for our very self.
These ringings can be lethal to mental health. Tinnitus is also called “phantom sounds” where nobody but the afflicted can hear. It feels isolating, anxiety-laden and no significant medical help. When one cannot escape, some people can ignore it, some surrender. Some others like me, gotta regulate because giving up is not an option.
My hearing might deteriorate but I learn from Deaf fellows that they are undeterred, so I will do too.
For a long time, I have been drawing mainly as my internal outlet. Drawing has been my ultimate activity since I was a kid. As a Jakartan growing up in the nineties, J-pop culture has a big influence over here—for me, it’s mainly manga that shapes and influences me a lot, especially on the way I draw and think.
Manga is the first long format that taught me about the infinite possibility of human imagination. Manga captured the emotions, visual possibilities, and exposed many topics in a way only them can do. From the simple storytellings, full with wisdom or reflections, historical or political, complex storyline, plain absurd, abstract; its charms are endless.
To think about it, the lasting impression for me comes from some manga that tells stories about daily life. The way they draw and spotlight the stories; jokes, food, books or mistakes done by the character; they all seem so human and feel relatable. Different from reading other manga genres, It makes us the readers feel..belong.
After I don’t draw much and shift to collage, the visuals and storytelling techniques of manga linger longer even until my current artworks; including the concept of fragments, diptych, and non-sequitur. It feels like any subtle feelings or moments can be immortalised in one frame—basically the same idea of mark-making, isn’t it?
Karin